Chess Limericks

[Francis Fields]

I once met a player called Vladimir
Who played the Berlin ev'ry year
At first it was a draw
And then evermore
And now he thinks hes a cavalier!


Does anybody know any others?

Francis

[Mike Truran]

There was a young man of Devizes
Whose knights were of two different sizes.
One was so small
It was nothing at all,
But the other won several prizes.

[Neil Graham]

There was a young man of Devizes
Whose knights were of two different sizes.
One was so small
It was nothing at all,
But the other won several prizes.

Hmm - the version I know began "there once was a girl from Devizes" - but is not suitable for this, or indeed any, messageboard.

How about :-

An ex-President called CJ
Wore a T-shirt proclaiming "I'm gay".
But an arbiter said
"You may be an Egghead
But you're not wearing that here today!"

[David Sedgwick]

An earlier, heavily moderated, thread may be found at http://www.ecforum.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=906

[Clive Blackburn]

There was a GM named Arkell
Whose mid-game didn't always sparkle
But after ninety moves' play
His opponent would stray
And the endgame would reach its debacle!

[Clive Blackburn]

I apologise if I gave the impression that Keith Arkell's middlegame play is sometimes less than scintillating.

In my defence, the name 'Arkell' is not at all easy to rhyme!

[JustinHorton]

There once was a plagiarist too mean
To give credit for notes that he'd seen
He would copy them later
In the Times and Spectator
Where they now bore the name of Ray Keene.

[Geoff Chandler]

A Limerick Quiz - Who has not won the British Championship.

Nunn, Miles, Keene, and Rowson,
Wade, Barden and Watson,
Golembek Harrry,
Gormally Danny,
Yates, Napier or Hodgson.

[Jonathan Rogers]

At the end of 4NCL,
Guildford said "flippin 'ell!
Our French bloke Edouard
Hit Hammer real hard
And we won three others as well!"


You'd think that by rights
Wood Green would win all of their fights
But they've been under siege
And to win London League
They must now beware Drunken Knights

[Francis Fields]

I once knew a player who was also a political activist
He got all enraged and had to have a go at this
One day at the board
His opponent was floored
And now he's a bit of a redactivist.


Francis

[Lewis Martin]

World Champions:

Garry Kasparov
Anatoly Karpov
Vladimir Kramnik
Mikhail Botvinnik
Veselin Topalov

[Kevin Williamson]

Welcome to the English Chess Forum
It’s friendly, and we don’t need a quorum
But if you don’t play by the rules
Are rude, or treat others as fools
Carl will ban you for a lack of decorum

[Francis Fields]

I also once knew a player who liked Jackanory
In fact it was his favourite story!
Kings and queens
Tactical means
And now 'It's a bit boring'!


Francis

[Francis Fields]

I heard of the player called Bobby Fisher
He played his chess without the slightest quiver
He sat there all day
Just play, play, play!
Until he was declared the winner!


Francis

[Francis Fields]

I was told about a player called Mikhailisin
He played in the open and just wanted to win
His queen was en pris
In a moment did it flee
And now he just drinks his gin!


Francis