Your biggest beef

[MJMcCready]

What's your biggest beef ever with regards to playing chess in our beloved nation if somewhat in decline?

Mine is when I used to play for Bedfordshire against Norfolk, we would meet at a halfway venue in Newmarket named Turner Hall. As I am sure you know, Newmarket is a horse riding town and there are bridal paths everywhere, in fact one ran alongside the Turner Hall where county matches were played, and quite often you would see someone ride past the venue but for some inexplicable reason sometimes some numbskull opened the windows which then stunk the hall out with horse manure which soon wafted in. I remember at least once players getting up and closing them rather angrily out of protest. During play I used to think 'how were you supposed to go and have a cup of tea with a few biscuits and enjoy them when the place stunk of horse crap?' It wasn't terrible every time a match was played there but it was a fair few times.

That's the biggest beef I can think of. What's yours?

[Ian Thompson]

Playing a county match in sub-zero temperatures. It was Devon v Hampshire on 4 January 1997. Not only was there no heating in the playing hall, there was no running water either because the pipes had frozen. I don't remember where the match was held or which team was responsible for this. It was quite likely a half-way venue so it could have been either team.

[Joey Stewart]

I remember a particularly annoying incident in 2008 when I was Warwickshire county captain arriving at our home venue to find that one of the lower teams had double booked it (also telling the manager it was a county chess match). You'd think that, ok, these things happen and it was no one's fault specifically and the players managed a herculean effort to squeeze together almost shoulder to shoulder so nobody missed their game..... However, the food was a whole other story, as I had only brought enough for the open team (and our opponents too- see I can be nice...) and , as they tend to do, the scrubs in the lower team were all finishing their games within the first hour or so and greedily piling into it like an all you can eat buffet. So much so that I was forced to take a draw on bottom board with a player who was delighted to get such an easy result against someone 40+ points higher rated just so I could stand guard like some sort of food bouncer and preserve what was left for the proper players when they had finished their adult length games!!!
I still think back in anger about that day.

[GrahamStuart]

Playing a county match in sub-zero temperatures. It was Devon v Hampshire on 4 January 1997. Not only was there no heating in the playing hall, there was no running water either because the pipes had frozen. I don't remember where the match was held or which team was responsible for this. It was quite likely a half-way venue so it could have been either team.

Did it make it worse that you had to travel to play a Devon player who lived in Hampshire! John also annotated the game in Westward Ho! although it does not say where the match was played. John did mention he lost to you in the Jamboree earlier in the season. As you say the venue tended to be a half-way more often than not.

https://hampshirechesshistory.co.uk/wp- ... ary-97.pdf

Maybe one of the other players can remember more?

[Richard Thursby]

In more than four decades of living I had never previously heard of paths specifically for transporting females to and/or from their nuptials.

My biggest gripe is people who interpret "name" as "first initial and surname" or similar when filling in match sheets. A close second is those who set up boards the wrong way round relative to the co-ordinates around the edge. I am very aware that these pale into insignificance compared with the first two examples, which I would classify under health and safety.

In the ECF LMS Counties Championship I now appear on the player list for one of the teams involved in the aforementioned freeze fest in January 1997. Not sure how that happened. I can only think something mixed up relating to the club I recently joined.

[Geoff Chandler]

Playing conditions that have no room on the table for a score sheet. You have to write on it in your lap. Playing with odd pieces on an incomplete sets. A plastic pawn in amongst a wooden set type of thing.

As a team captain and one or two of your team are perennially late to arrive. You cannot concentrate on your game till they eventually turn up.
Also as captain losing track of a game by having to get up to resolve a minor matter on another board. Some nights I was up and down like a fiddlers elbow.

Can I include chess books. If an author mentions a game in passing then they should give it. Even if it is shoved in at the back of the book with no notes. I had to wait nearly 30 years till the arrival of Databases before I finally found a game Tal lost in a student event that P.H. Clarke mentioned in his book on Tal. (best book on Tal IMO)

[Ian Thompson]

Playing conditions that have no room on the table for a score sheet.

In a similar vein, I'd add playing conditions that have been set up on the assumption that all players are right-handed, with insufficient space between boards if they're not.

[Nick Ivell]

County match in Heywood I think it was. The seats, to put it politely, were 'canteen-style'; in other words they had no backs.

Suffice to say that my back ached for weeks afterwards. It precipitated my retirement from the county scene.

[Matt Mackenzie]

Playing conditions that have no room on the table for a score sheet. You have to write on it in your lap. Playing with odd pieces on an incomplete sets. A plastic pawn in amongst a wooden set type of thing.

As a team captain and one or two of your team are perennially late to arrive. You cannot concentrate on your game till they eventually turn up.
Also as captain losing track of a game by having to get up to resolve a minor matter on another board. Some nights I was up and down like a fiddlers elbow.

Can I include chess books. If an author mentions a game in passing then they should give it. Even if it is shoved in at the back of the book with no notes. I had to wait nearly 30 years till the arrival of Databases before I finally found a game Tal lost in a student event that P.H. Clarke mentioned in his book on Tal. (best book on Tal IMO)

Isn't the temptation almost irresistible then to remove the errant piece by hook or by crook? Or failing that (especially if said "piece" is actually a pawn) replace it with one that has been captured at the earliest opportunity. I have done this at least once, only to be rewarded by a funny look.

[Peter Ackley]

It was a Toby Carvery (other carveries are available) and I'd gone for the extra large Sunday roast. Being out of lamb and turkey I had to have all beef. It was the biggest beef I ever had.

Being serious (but leaving out the tightness of chess players and people who fill in their names on their scoresheet) how about the inability of some chess players to take any responsibility for anything?

My first ever match in the Yorkshire League and I was playing away. At the venue was another match taking place. Shortly after I left the opening a commotion happened in the other match and I went to see what it was. A player was on the floor and barely conscious. No-one seemed to bothered (games were still going on around this) and I asked if anyone had called an ambulance. They hadn't. So I called the ambulance and went back to my game. I was then called back as the ambulance could not find the venue. No-one seemed to interested in helping me direct the ambulance so all I could do was give them a rough description of the area. Having found the venue I went back to my game. Only to be asked by the ambulance crew if I was coming to hospital with the player as his own team, who had nothing to do with me whatsoever, told them I was taking responsibility for him.

Full credit to the sportsmanship of my opponent who, given the circumstances, immediately accepted my draw offer despite being up on time and in a better position.

[Geoff Chandler]

Isn't the temptation almost irresistible then to remove the errant piece by hook or by crook?

I did just that. A tale I related to on here regarding a blue capped pawn.
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=11776&p=266336#p266336

But do you carry a spare Rook around with you.
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=13824&p=303864#p303864

[Mick Norris]

County match in Heywood I think it was. The seats, to put it politely, were 'canteen-style'; in other words they had no backs.

Suffice to say that my back ached for weeks afterwards. It precipitated my retirement from the county scene.

Ah yes, we had the misfortune to play there once, it was a school as I recollect; analogue clocks, it was a real throwback

Hopefully the new Lancs setup, playing at Crusaders in Blackburn, have a different concept of a suitable venue

[Joey Stewart]

My first ever match in the Yorkshire League and I was playing away. At the venue was another match taking place. Shortly after I left the opening a commotion happened in the other match and I went to see what it was. A player was on the floor and barely conscious. No-one seemed to bothered (games were still going on around this) and I asked if anyone had called an ambulance. They hadn't. So I called the ambulance and went back to my game. I was then called back as the ambulance could not find the venue. No-one seemed to interested in helping me direct the ambulance so all I could do was give them a rough description of the area. Having found the venue I went back to my game. Only to be asked by the ambulance crew if I was coming to hospital with the player as his own team, who had nothing to do with me whatsoever, told them I was taking responsibility for him.

It sounds from that story that one of two things was likely.

1. The player was a known malingerer who would 'play dead' repeatedly and his team were not prepared to humour the nonsense.

2. They are collectively the biggest bunch of assholes to ever soil the Yorkshire chess league

[Roland Kensdale]

Possible the unfortunate person had frequent spells/seizures, though this in no way excuses the others in his team.

Perhaps they had the famous 'killer instinct' that top players need. Would Karpov have forfeited a team game to help a poorly teammate? (Not being entirely serious here, what a story).

[Nick Ivell]

I could also mention a county final played during a heatwave in a small room with no aircon.

It was a disgrace but kind of worked in my favour, as I saved a hopeless endgame against an opponent probably wilting from dehydration.